Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Such games of tug o' war.

I've been thinking about posting for a while, but I never can find the words to say. Or the subject to talk about.

Life has been full of up and downs. Mainly being that my grandfather passed away on June 1st. It was very hard, but in all honesty it was a blessing for him. He was very ill. Still, that didn't make his passing any easier.

Lately I've just found myself in the middle of such a struggle between my heart and my head. My heart will ache for something desperately, but I'll talk myself out of it. I'll know one thing in my head, but my heart screams something else. It's draining, to say the least.

And so that's been the extent of my focus this past month, trying to decide what to listen to. Which side is real, which is fake. Which is right, which is wrong...What I really want. What do I really want? I know that none of this should be consuming my time, I should be devoting it to other things...God, family....and yet, in spite of knowing that, I still can't get myself to focus on what I know I should. So I'm stuck in a series of melancholy, foggy days.

So that's really all I have to write, unfortunately it's not anything particularely inspiring, uplifting, or even just interesting. I just figured I'd let you know I am in fact alive.

1 comment:

Heather said...

One thing I've really learned is that you can't talk yourself out of what your heart aches for. If you don't satisfy that ache it won't go away, and then you'll eventually have to face the same struggle against that same ache. Find out what you want. When you do that you will know where you're going, what you're doing, and what you feel. When you find out what you want and satisfy that aching heart (the thing that it aches for-that is what you want) and then you won't just be alive. You, dear Eliza, will be Alive. More than ever before.
"Set the world on fire" by Britt Nicole...I heard this song and i loved it. It talks about things my heart aches for-and i believe our hearts ache for similar things.

Praying for you. See you soon.