Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Such games of tug o' war.

I've been thinking about posting for a while, but I never can find the words to say. Or the subject to talk about.

Life has been full of up and downs. Mainly being that my grandfather passed away on June 1st. It was very hard, but in all honesty it was a blessing for him. He was very ill. Still, that didn't make his passing any easier.

Lately I've just found myself in the middle of such a struggle between my heart and my head. My heart will ache for something desperately, but I'll talk myself out of it. I'll know one thing in my head, but my heart screams something else. It's draining, to say the least.

And so that's been the extent of my focus this past month, trying to decide what to listen to. Which side is real, which is fake. Which is right, which is wrong...What I really want. What do I really want? I know that none of this should be consuming my time, I should be devoting it to other things...God, family....and yet, in spite of knowing that, I still can't get myself to focus on what I know I should. So I'm stuck in a series of melancholy, foggy days.

So that's really all I have to write, unfortunately it's not anything particularely inspiring, uplifting, or even just interesting. I just figured I'd let you know I am in fact alive.